aut0maticflower

You scored as Suicide. Your death will be suicide. What more can I say? Fact: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you want to know hwo you will commit suicide, take a look at your second highest percentage on the bar graphs. </td> Suicide 100% Disappear 93% Cut Throat 67% Stabbed 67% Eaten 67% Suffocated 60% Bomb 47% Accident 47% Disease 33% Natural Causes 27% Posion 20% Drowning 0% Gunshot 0% How Will You Die?? created with QuizFarm.com

And as the mass began to break apart,
I sat there in the midst of it all.
Seemingly invisible and alone.
Just like it used to be.

Only this time,
there was no rain.
I was no longer 8 years old,
no longer a child.
I could see through the blur,
but only just.

My life seems to have been broken,
into a million tiny pieces.
I don't know where to start to fix it,
and no one's here to tell me how.


There's no one here to hold my hand anymore.

And I'm not sure there ever was.

It rained today. You could tell it was coming by the way it smelled and the way the trees were swaying back and fourth.

It poured.

It was dark and yet so beautiful. One cloud seemed isolated from the storm, it was this vague color of peach. The kind you might see in a fairytale book. It looked like a kingdom in the sky, looking down upon the darkness the rain had brought.

I watched it splatter, it looked exactly like it did when I would watch it at the lake back home. It looked like a dance of nature, and I danced along side it trying to keep up. Despite the cold that the rain brought, I still felt the warmth of the ground beneath me. It was peaceful and for a moment the rain fell in slow motion.

Like it always is for me, when the first drops hit the ground. It's the only thing I hear, and it's all happening slower than it should.

It washes everything away, even if just for a little while. It makes all the things that make me feel the slightest bit scared, or insecure, or angered go away.

It makes me feel okay with the world. Nothing does that for me anymore.

Then a butterfly flew by, and I smiled. And for a moment I was okay with the world, it was beautiful.

I feel the happiest I've felt since everything happened.

It was one of those nights where the weather was perfect. Where it wasn't hot or cold, but one of those early summer nights where the clouds look like silhouettes of people that you might know, but can't really see. When there are shades of turqoise and purple stretched across the sky as if it were a painting.

It was one of those drives where all the windows were down and I was waving my hand in the air as if I were flying, as if I were free.

Then "Innocent" by Our Lady Peace came on the radio, and I could smell the promise of summer and rain. There is nothing more perfect than the promise of rain.

And as we were driving home I realized it was one of those nights where you feel happy, when you're supposed to feel happy.

As we pulled into the driveway and I rolled up the windows and my hand was no longer waving against the wind, a twinge of sadness overcame me, because that perfect drive was over, as the sun was setting, so was my perfect summer night.

Yet I'm still smiling inside.

I had this dream where it was rainy and I was driving down this long stretch of road and I was almost home. Nothing was right with me or the world and it didn't seem like it would ever be right again.

It was slippery and the car was sliding and finally I was no longer on the road.

I feel empty, don't feel anything. If that makes sense.

Wanna know the weird part? I wanted it to happen.

It's like I'm in my own world, and "Are you sad" by Our Lady Peace is on repeat in my head and I feel infinite in some way.


It's like that one perfect song, on that one perfect drive when you're all alone and there's nothing there but your thoughts. It's one of those songs you'll hear in that rare movie with that great love story, and the characters think everything has fallen apart. It's that song that's so sad that it gives you hope. Hope that things will get better, that things will change but at the same time they'll stay the same forever. Hope that you'll reach that stage of perfection, or just happiness. Simple, pure, happiness. Gives you hope that there is such a thing. But even if there isn't, this song makes it okay...because everyone makes mistakes.